Bon Joviality

WORTH IT just for the title,

[My take on internet chatroom decorum and the lack thereof, by way of parody of the Bon Jovi song Bad Medicine].

Bad Etiquette
Your post has such bad etiquette
Bad etiquette is all I see
Fix it up, all this bad etiquette
I’ve missed your point because you’re so hard to read
Bad etiquette

I don’t need no spell check ‘cos this ain’t no exam
But I’ll give it one more read and then I’ll fix what I can
And I got lots to say and I’m in kind of a rush
But a second to punctuate always lends the right touch
And I’ve got my own system and it helps things so much:

First you check
(That what you’re saying hasn’t just been said)
How’s the depth?
(Are you qualified or over your head?)
Now take a breath(Would it be different if you weren’t seeing red?)
And now I can’t be sure that you’re not trolling the thread
Whoah-oh-oh

Your post has such bad etiquette
Bad etiquette is all I see
Fix it up all this bad etiquette
I’ve missed your point because you’re so hard to read
Bad, bad etiquette

I DON’T NEED TO SHOUT OUT WITH ALL CAPS TO GET SEEN
And I don’t need five exclamation marks ‘cause I’m not thirteen!!!!!
I got a dirty down addiction that I don’t want to cure
And your petulant posturings don’t add to your allure
All those lolz and GIFs just make you hard to endure

First you check
(Is the thread marked Not-Safe-For-Work)
How’s your depth
(Will you be regarded with no more than a smirk)
Now take a breath
(Are you so cranky you’re becoming a jerk?)
Now you’re just the tool that’s clogging up the network
Whoah-oh-oh

Your post has such bad etiquette
Bad etiquette is all I see
Fix it up, all this bad etiquette
I’ve missed your point because you’re so hard to read
Bad, bad etiquette is all I see
Bad, bad etiquette is all I see

(guitar solo)

i need 2 rest up later cos im feeling fatigued cos ive bean staring 4 an our and its not from intrigue you must lern sum etiquette and ur not their yet then ur readers mite think ur finally showing them respect lol

Your post has such bad etiquette
Bad etiquette is all I see
Fix it up, all this bad etiquette
I’ve missed your point because you’re so hard to read

Your post has such bad etiquette
Bad etiquette is all I see
Fix it up, all this bad etiquette
I’ve missed your point because you’re so hard to read
Bad, bad etiquette, is all I see
Bad, bad etiquette

I gotta post, I gotta, I gotta post, I gotta, I gotta, I gotta
I gotta have the last word, wait a minute, wait a minute
Hold on, pop-corn
One more time, with feeling, thread bump
Alright, IBTL

Your post has such bad etiquette
Bad etiquette is all I see
Fix it up, all this bad etiquette
I’ve missed your point because you’re so hard to read
Your post, bad etiquette
A quick check is all you need

 

 

Riding Close to the Edge

[ A parody of the U2 song All I Want is You, first posted on a motorcycling forum a few years back]

You say you want
The bruises to go away
You say you want
To get through the next ride unscathed

For all the facetious things I say
From the persona that I portray
When all I want is you

You say you’ll give me
A group ride with no civilians
A forum with no pillions
Rep plus eleventy billion

You say you’ll give me
A shared joke amongst good friends
A journey with some sharp bends
Grammar that doesn’t offend

All the ninja edits that I make
The rants and the piss-takes
When all I want is you

You say you want
To understand me clearly
To impress me with a wheelie

You say you want
Time to chill out with me
Threads that aren’t so bitchy
A ride that’s fast and twisty

All the newbies and the trolls
All the emoticons and lols
When all I want is you

You say you want
Good riding weather today
The mods to look the other way
A post that isn’t an essay

You say you’ll give me
Secrets with no regrets
Brakes that work in the wet
Nine thousand Internets

Of all the promises I break
You’re my worst and best mistake
When all I want is you

Welcome. Hi. My, you’re a good looking bunch.

Full disclosure guys, I don’t fully know what I’m doing right now.

Well, I’ve made it clear that I’m doing parodies (of songs). So there’s that. And I’ve found some hard drives with the old stuff, some of which still stands up. Then again, I’ve lost one I started and finished just the other day, which I was quite into. Swings and roundabouts. Kinda new to blogging, but I’m a fast learner! Well I believe that I am, and belief is half the battle.

I will cover songs from a variety of genres and decades, with themes including:

  • two-wheeled mayhem (subset: I heart wheelies)
  • internet forum & chatroom shenanigans
  • love (unrequited for the most part, it makes for better writing)
  • tributes to the artists whose artistry inspires me to make art of it
  • dedications
  • generalised pleas for your attention and/or affection

Anyway, hang in there. It’ll get better, probably.

And, yes, the profile pic is me, from 1976. It was the style of the time.

These items of parody/satire are in themselves my original works and as such are subject to copyright and moral rights of attribution. Distributing without attribution and/or distributing for profit without consent would be a real dick move on your part.