Swede Sixteen

captureYes, it’s a disco ball made with hypodermic needles. Get in the car, I’ll explain everything on the way.

So I decided to bring my work home and attempt some science parodies. This is the first crack, inspired by my daughter bringing home a permission slip for her meningitis vaccine – provided to all 15 year-olds nowadays – thanks Aussie government! But where the bloody hell were you when I was her age ?! Oh the current vaccine hadn’t been developed then? Okay. And now it has! Thanks science! That’s way cool! So many people to thank! If I sound overly exuberant, it’s just all the gratitude spilling over as I think back to that time when I was sixteen and doctors and nurses recognised that I had contracted bacterial meningitis and gave me very swift and life-saving medical treatment ultimately leading me here to write this tonight. In a way, you could say that this blog is their fault.

Bacterial meningitis,  by the way,  is an inflammation / infection of the membranes that line the brain and spinal cord which can kill and it hurts a real lot the whole time you have it. 0/10 would not recommend.

Speaking of history, I’ve repurposed ABBA’s Waterloo to make it slightly less about Napoleon and slightly more about herd immunity:

Vaccinate
When I
Was a teen, meningitis almost killed me
And now
My teenage kid is far less bound to endure a similar fate
Thanks to some science know-how
We have a vaccine for it now

Vaccinate, save a life now before it’s too late
Vaccinate, keep your immunity up to date
Vaccinate, the science is clear there is no ‘debate’
Vaccinate, a ‘simple’ disease can debilitate
Oh, oh, oh, oh, vaccinate, wherever you can, you should vaccinate

Oh no
There are a few who cannot have the vaccines
And so
It falls in us to shield these folks the best we can
And the easiest way to comply
Is to immunise you and I

Vaccinate, old time diseases, we had them licked
Vaccinate, misinformation had some people tricked
Vaccinate, as a result, they became less strict
Vaccinate, and measles has horrible pain to inflict
Oh, oh, oh, oh, vaccinate, time to kick measles right in the dick

And the easiest way to comply
Is to immunise you and I

Vaccinate, don’t risk our kids over some old hoax
Vaccinate, polio’s no fun for any folks
Vaccinate, we could get HPV on the ropes
Vaccinate, see if it’s time for your booster dose

Oh, oh, oh, oh, vaccinate give these diseases the adios

Vaccinate, sometimes the little things help the most

(c) 2019

A Taylor-made Lesson Plan

Amazingly, this is more fun that rewriting the Integrated Science program.

My take on the Taylor Swift earworm ‘Shake It Off’ (long story short: haters gonna H8, teachers gonna procrastin8)

Teach Them All

I get too much pay, too much holidays,
That’s what people say, mmm hmm, that’s what people say, mmm hmmm
It must be easy, workin’ nine to three
That’s what they tell me, mmm hmm, that’s what they tell me, mmm hmm
But I keep on stressin’, planning science lessons
It’s like I got this voice in my mind saying no student left behind

‘Cause the haters gonna bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch
And the kids are gonna twitch, twitch, twitch, twitch, twitch
Baby, I’m just gonna teach, teach, teach, teach, teach,
Teach them all, teach them all
Daydreamers try to sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep
And the naughty kids will sneak, sneak, sneak, sneak, sneak
Baby, I’m just gonna teach, teach, teach, teach, teach,

Teach them all, teach them all

I take the highs and lows, it keeps me on my toes
And that’s the way it goes mmm hmm, that’s the way it goes mmm hmm
I firmly plant my feet, I won’t let these kids retreat
And that’s what no one sees mmm hmm, that’s what they don’t see mmm hmm
But I’m in their corner, always pushing forward
It’s like I got this voice in my mind saying no student left behind

‘Cause the haters gonna bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch
And the kids are gonna twitch, twitch, twitch, twitch, twitch
Baby, I’m just gonna teach, teach, teach, teach, teach,
Teach them all, teach them all
Daydreamers try to sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep
And the naughty kids will sneak, sneak, sneak, sneak, sneak
Baby, I’m just gonna teach, teach, teach, teach, teach,

Teach them all, teach them all

I teach them all, teach them all
I teach them all, teach them all
I, I teach them all, I teach them all
I, I teach them all, I teach them all
I, I teach them all, I teach them all

Hey, hey, hey
Just think while I’ve used several weekends writing well-thought out report comments that some parents won’t ever read

You could have been getting down to
this
fresh
take

Your first-born, your true pride and joy
Is a rude little boy, but I’m still gonna teach him
And your twelve-year-old niece
Rolls her eyes and says “whatever”
I’m gonna teach her too, because I know she can do better 

‘Cause the haters gonna bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch
And the kids are gonna twitch, twitch, twitch, twitch, twitch
Baby, I’m just gonna teach, teach, teach, teach, teach,

Teach them all, teach them all

Daydreamers try to sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep
And the naughty kids will sneak, sneak, sneak, sneak, sneak
Baby, I’m just gonna teach, teach, teach, teach, teach,
I teach them all, I teach them all
I teach them all, I teach them all
I, I teach them all, I teach them all
I, I teach them all, I teach them all
I, I teach them all, I teach them all
I teach them all, I teach them all
I, I teach them all, I teach them all
I, I teach them all, I teach them all
I, I teach them all, I teach them all

(c) 2019